One year ago...

Just recently I have been sorting through my notes from KBC. Yes, they have been sitting in one massive messy pile ever since last summer. I stuffed them under my bed and have only pulled them out when I really need to find something, always thinking, "Someday I will organize this." Well the impetus for change came last week when I went to my friend Judith's house. Watching her iron every single thing that came out of the laundry basket was bound to have some impact on my life. Considering that I have only used an iron twice in the past 6 months, it was highly unlikely that I would start ironing my socks, so I opted for sorting through this pile of notes.

And you know what? It has been a blessing. Not because the organizing has enriched my life (although I'm sure that I will appreciate it in the future), but because it has given me a chance to look back on what God has done in my life. I found prophetic words which suddenly make so much sense. I found encouraging notes from friends. I found challenging questions which I still want to work through.

And I found this. I wrote it almost exactly a year ago during an extremely painful time. I think it was just something I scribbled down during a lecture when my heart was so full that it had to spill over a little. We were studying Ephesians that week and talking about being adopted as children of God. I also had been hanging onto Romans 5:3-5. So that is the background. This is what I wrote:

Papa God

I feel abandoned

hurting

alone

without the ability to hope

I can't see why things are this way

I can't see how they will ever change

But

You have adopted me

You bought me with Your blood

You call me Your child, Your heir

You are my Papa God

You don't explain it all

But

You tell me You are at work

You tell me there is a point to this

You tell me that it's not for nothing

You tell me to rejoice in suffering

because it produces perseverance

which produces character

which produces the hope that will not put me to shame

My Papa God

I wait for Your hope

~

Looking back on the past year, it is amazing to see how God has given me hope. He has brought beauty out of ashes just like He promised. It happened so slowly that I didn't always recognize it, but He was working just the same. So much has changed in the past year.

And yet so much is still the same.

I still feel very close to the girl who wrote those words. The pain isn't raw anymore, but I can still feel it. And because I can still feel the pain, I can still feel that desperate dependency on God. I feel like I am walking with a limp and I hope I always will because it reminds me of the relentless, gentle love of my Father.

I am thankful for that time of darkness because I learned so much more through it than I could have during happy sunny days. But I am also glad that I am in a different place now.

Thank You Jesus for the suffering which produced perseverance which produced character. But most of all, thank You for Your hope. You do all things well!

It has been nearly 4 months since I have made any contribution to the blogging world - so I think it is getting to be time for my semi-annual blog. ;)

So much has happened...

I lost one wonderful housemate...

And gained a new wonderful housemate... (Lesley is the one to the right of me)

...who owns a rice cooker!!!!

I learned how to make chapatis/japatis - take your pick as to how to spell it because it's a transliteration and the real pronunciation is somewhere between the two. Now depending on the extent of both your knowledge of linguistic terms and your knowledge of Indian/Pakistani cuisine, you may not understand two of the key words in that last sentence. So here are some definitions:

chapati/japati: Chapati is a form of roti (bread). The words are often used interchangeably. While roti refers to any flat unleavened bread, chapati is a roti made of whole wheat flour and cooked on a tava (flat skillet). (Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chapati)

transliteration: a transcription from one alphabet to another (Source: some internet dictionary)

In other words, it is taking a word from a language which has a different script/alphabet to English (such as Urdu, Farsi, Arabic...) and writing that word using an English alphabet. Because the sounds in another language are not always fully expressed with the English alphabet, there can be several versions of transliterations.

~ cultural/English lesson ended~

In the lower left hand corner, there are samples of my handiwork.

I went to my first Kurdish party and learned Kurdish dancing. And yes, I wore tradition Kurdish clothes as evidenced below. (Don't laugh. I SAID, don't laugh!)



(As a side note, it probably gives some insight into my current life that I have watched/read absolutely no American or even British news recently, but have watched a lot on the election in Iraq. Of course, most of that was either in Sorani or Arabic, so I can’t say that I have an in depth knowledge of the issues driving the election. All I really know is that my Kurdish friends like the Change party. So I guess I do too. Go Change Party! According to the latest breaking news, 85% of the ballots have been counted, so we should have a result on the election soon. Okay, I actually heard that from a Kurdish friend who I met on the street today – but I imagine it is fairly accurate. Detour into Iraqi politics ends here.)

I recently went to my first Iranian party. It was the first night of the Iranian New Year celebration and it is the tradition to jump over a bonfire. Being open to new cultural experiences, I did it too.

Here I am jumping over the fire:

Oh no wait, that was last summer with my crazy British friends in Wantage. You will be relieved to know that although there were 5 fires to jump over, they were all fairly small. Apparently in Iran they would be a lot bigger, but a concession was made because of all of the small children who were involved.

We also had a Bollywood night for our home church social where I learned some Indian dancing.

As you can see, these last few months have been a lot of fun. They have also been quite stressful at times. There is always so much to do and so many people to see, that I never really feel like I’m done. I also have been taking a fairly intense load of online courses in order to finish up my BSN. At certain points I have felt pushed to the limit…and maybe a little past the limit.

It was during one of these times that a friend told me something he had heard Heidi Baker say. The rough gist was that whenever she starts feeling overwhelmed and stressed because she has too much to do in a day, she makes sure to spend even more time with God that day – because it is better to go to only one meeting but be hearing God clearly than to go to five meeting but be so stressed that you can’t hear Him. That marked a turning point for me. I started looking for how I could rest and spend time with God not just in the morning, but throughout my day. Sometimes this means listening to worship music on my ipod as I walk somewhere. (Thank you for the ipod Melody!) Or listening to a podcast while I clean. Or taking time out to soak in God’s presence. Or making sure that I actively chat through what I’m worried about with God…and that I listen as well as talk. I also have reinstituted taking 15 minute naps when I feel like I need them. It’s amazing how much more productive I can be when I’ve had a nap. If it was good enough for Winston Churchill, it’s good enough for me!

Although I still get tired and frustrated at times, building these habits into my life has helped me to constantly refocus myself on God. And He is always there. I just need to be more aware of Him!

In January, I started making a conscious effort to call myself a follower of Jesus rather than a Christian. There are various cultural reasons for this which are too in depth to explain here. It is amazing how much that simple change in words has impacted my life. I have found myself being increasing challenged to live out what I am saying. I started by slowly reading Matthew 5-7 (The Sermon on the Mount) and asking the question, “How can I live this out?” I have been realizing how much I have mentally assented to Jesus’ teaching and example and yet not taken the radical steps to follow Him. It’s a crazy adventure and I feel like I am just taking the first steps, but I am loving it! And the more that I take risks by simply obeying Jesus, the more I have to share with other people!

Someone who has impacted me hugely in regard to following Jesus and loving Muslims, is a guy called Carl Medearis. If you are interested in getting more of a feel for the heart of what I'm doing, I would recommend listening to some of his podcasts.

http://www.carlmedearis.com/audio.html

I would particularly recommend "The Crescent - Understanding and Loving Muslims."

Thanks so much to all of you who have been praying for me. It means so much to me and is so important. And also thank you to all of you who don't forget about me even when I drop off the face of the earth for a few months. "I love you all the time!" (as my Iranian friend likes to say)

love, Hannah